Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
