I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
