Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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