I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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