Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
