i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
