The maid of honor just puked.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize