dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
