There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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