About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
