they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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