is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
