dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
