where am i from again
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Use "feeling words"
Yay
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
