So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
In America we eat man semen.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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