Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
