why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
