They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
