We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
