It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
where does the pee come out of this thing
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
