My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
