and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
