All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
