i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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