Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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