I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
