I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
