I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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