a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
