I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
