So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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