Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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