girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
