Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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