I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize