My liver just broke up with me...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
