Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
