your parents love me but you hate me
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
