also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
