Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
