so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
