just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
