Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
