I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
