Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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