no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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