You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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