Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
