so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
