grandma shit on top of the toilet
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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