"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
