It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
