question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
