just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Bring me that man meat
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
