I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
