We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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