the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
