Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize