we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We don't watch enough power rangers
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
