It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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