Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Two words: blizzard sex
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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