Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
