Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
