I can't watch pbs sober anymore
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
