i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Found your dick twin last night
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
