Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
