I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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