Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize