I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize