so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
