So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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