I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
