You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
