Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am one with the molecules
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
