38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I want to fling myself into the sun
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
